general anaesthetic

I wrote the notes for this maybe three years ago. It was only on a friend’s operation recently that I thought back to that fear, quite simply, of not coming back…

And the things you notice when you’re wearing two back to front nighties…

this road is straight and something’s wrong,
my empty head, no-one along,
magic’s gone from the radio song.
i am alive

this image shows a failing map,
dead ends, loose slates, fast cars; a trap,
the perfect shot but the sky’s gone black
i am alive

I pay to park and walk away,
hearts and engines shall cool today
by grassy mounds where ravens play
i am alive

the walls inside are shrouded cream
a painting offers up a dream,
an empty boat, a windless scene.
i am alive

time, it speeds, nurse says I’m ready.
my hands are cold, nothing’s steady,
each short footstep takes me nearer.
i am alive

anaesthetist has nice grey eyes,
the shallow dusk of summer skies.
this might hurt a bit. he lies.
i am alive

i wonder at the arms he’s gripped
planned or urgent, if reason’s slipped,
as planned I count,

one, two, three, four …

my eyes are lenses with no zoom
sound’s all reverb; fills the room
fever soars to fight the gloom

i am alive

i am alive

sweetness follows, life’s not bitter
(the older men are getting fitter)
dust that falls in sun makes glitter

i am alive

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